If you were together for a very long time and you break up, you may need to extend this to six weeks. At the most, Do not contact them during the first weeks, since they're in that "honeymoon" stage where they believe they did the right thing by breaking up. It depends. If you were friends beforehand, it could be good to repair the friendship and make amends. If you can talk it out and agree to be friends, or maybe work it out together and build a friendship, or even a relationship, then take a chance.
Otherwise, if you know you still have feelings for them, but it's not healthy for you to talk to them, it's not a good idea to talk to your ex after a breakup.
It also isn't advisable to talk to your ex after a breakup right away. They need time to heal, to figure out their feelings, and to go from there. If your relationship was friendship beforehand, it's totally possible. Going back to being just friends takes lots of time and effort, however. Not everyone can do this. Lots of times, there are those who will stay friends with their ex, but then feel hurt when they choose to date someone else, or they get a new girlfriend.
If you can move on and not hold onto the relationship, it's healthy and possible to stay friends. There are some people who can separate their feelings from their friendship and learn to move on. Sometimes it's because they did have a solid friendship before getting together. Other times, it's because they realize they can still be friends even as exes.
Sometimes though, some people will keep in touch because they want to hook up again. Sometimes people stay in touch with their ex because they want to get back with them again, and it's a feeling of regret because they broke up with them.
The reasons for staying in touch do vary. If there is a kid involved, sometimes they stay in touch to inform the other about the kid. There are many reasons, some healthy, some unhealthy, and the best way to determine if you should is to look at the relationship from a distant viewpoint, and from there, see if it's in your best interest to talk to your ex.
No, and this is especially true for those who were in an abusive situation. If you know your ex is abusive and has said questionable things, putting yourself in that position isn't good for you, and you shouldn't spend that energy there.
Closure is a personal thing, based on your interests and your own desires. If you learn to move on, to not focus on your ex, and to have closure, it lets you move on, and lets you live your own life. Stop thinking about them. Learn to improve your own life.
Stop basing your identity off your ex. If you feel that urge to talk to your ex, talk to a friend or family member you're close to. Set it up where, whenever that urge comes forth, you do something else. For example, whenever you feel that urge to talk to them, journal it. Talk about why you feel this way, what's the reasoning behind wanting to talk to them, and what you think you'll accomplish.
From there, tear up the piece of paper, imagining it's those feelings that are holding you back drifting away in the wind. This is the best way to prevent the urge from talking to your ex, and you'll notice that, once you start following this, life gets a little bit easier. After that, you want to first and foremost say that you want to talk, and just talk.
Don't bring up the relationship or the breakup. It's not the worst idea, but it's definitely not an ideal conversation starter. After all, would you like to dwell on that right away?
Unless you plan to talk about the factors that lead to it, and how you will change, it's not advisable. Ideally, start with a conversation that they'll like. Passions, for example, are a good place to start, and you can bring that up. You should make sure that you don't do this to get them to talk to you or want you back.
Be genuine with your communication. When you talk to them, you should talk about the things going on in their life, but don't be a bootlicker about it.
You shouldn't also be too manipulative. Maybe talk about your goals and aspirations. When talking to them, the feelings will surface. That's supernormal. You do love this person, but you need to understand that when a relationship severs, you don't want to be too overwhelming or try to jump straight into a relationship again.
It'll be awkward and won't work otherwise. Don't be obsessive over it either. If you do decide to talk, take your time, and maybe keep the conversations short but sweet. Show that you care, but don't get so hung up on it that it's all you can think about. So, we basically have a private Facebook group for people who purchase the ex-boyfriend recovery program — my flagship course on getting your ex back or getting over your ex — so they can help and hear each other out.
Out of 47 people that answered my poll, 29 of them said that their ex did not reach out during the no contact rule. Their ego needs to be stroked at least for a little while before they start initiating conversations. They struggle to get back in touch with their ex, build rapport, and make conversations satisfying. The trick is if you want your ex to initiate contact with you is that you need to get in a state where you guys are having consistent, satisfying conversations.
Read my article about the kind of texts you should send your ex to stimulate their interests and have great conversations.
The key to a satisfying conversation is always making sure it satisfies your ex and not just you! Now that you know you need to strike satisfying conversations; how should you end these conversations when they become satisfying? This psychological concept was created by Dr. Bluma Zeigarnik , who said that,. The cliff hanger at the end of the episode causes you to watch that extra episode, lose sleep, and have a miserable day at work the next because you just HAVE to find out what happens next.
Check it out! Anyways, back on topic, when we started recommending that our clients do this in conversations, we noticed immediate results! Of course, everyone always gets caught up in the details and obsess about specific ways to end the conversation. Here are some of the best ways. Eventually, they will want to reach out to you the very next day to continue a conversation. So, keep having those satisfying conversations and ending them first!
That fosters the environment needed for them to initiate a conversation. If you keep having satisfying conversations with your ex and ending them before they get boring, your ex is bound to desire to talk to you so he will reach out first eventually. Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. So I broke up with my bf almost a month ago and we dated for 4 months.
It was a real quick breakup and led to many many misunderstandings which I just wanna right. Hi Anya, you need to start following the program, part of this program is with you reaching out to your ex most of the time for a while, to get them engaging in conversations and re connecting with you.
Over time the more interesting conversations you have and end at its peak is where he then starts wanting to talk to you more nad more and eventually he will start reaching out himself. If you try to spur that or keep them in your life, you are going to push them further away and prevent them from being open to you if you reach out in the future.
If you fail the breakup test by behaving in the way that I described above, what happens is that the most recent memory your ex will have of you is how you reacted to the breakup. Your ex will likely filter their older memories of you and the relationship you had through the lens of how you behaved after they broke up with you.
That means that if your ex has a moment where they remember a pleasant, special memory from the relationship, it is almost instantly downgraded or tainted by the memory of your response to the breakup and how that response made them feel.
So realize that if you contact your ex instead of them contacting you, you take a risk that they will see your contact as something they will have to endure again if a breakup happens again. And this could cause your ex to reject the idea of getting back together with you even if they miss you. If that is the case and you wait about 3 months, you could reach out to your ex with a shared memory in the following way:. It made me think of you and smile. I hope things are going well. That shows that you are social and that people want to take you out and have a good time with you.
Anything social like that suggests that there are people in your life and that you are, in fact, social, so moving on to someone else is not out of the question for you. I broke up with my ex after an argument we had one night. I kept telling him my problems and kept saying his were worse. Then he started telling me I needed a boyfriend and that he was no longer what I once knew.
He told me to go and find someone who will really meet my standard something as simple as calling me was of high standard for him. So in a moment of confusion and tears I said I was done with him. This went on all night. Then in the morning texted me again to say Good Morning to which I did not reply.
He never reached out to me after that and I assumed he was waiting for me to reach out so a week after the break up I did. I sent him a short letter in which I thanked him for being there for me. I broke the contact rule for nothing haha. So my ex so weird calling him that a few weeks ago before the break up he was pretending. Telling me he loved me. He had been planning the breakup for several months which he told me later on.
After three years on our anniversary this month during this whole pandemic he finally broke up with me. I sensed it and asked him what was wrong. Right before going to bed. We still live together and it has been so hard. I refuse to initiate contact. I helped with stuff for his new place and he stayed in the family home until he had everything ready at his new place.
Now I find myself wondering how stupid I have been, why I made it all so easy on him and why on earth I didnt just think of myself more. The answer is because I didnt want to lose him but I see now I already had. Today I will be strong and not message first, but I know I will be heart broken all over again when I dont hear anything from them. I wish that I had the same ability to turn my feelings off after such a long time, but I guess I will learn, I just need to allow myself time to do that.
I hope you are doing ok x. Yeah I feel you. My ex if 2 years announced he wanted to separate at the end of april then a day after I quit my job then after that I found out I was pregnant. The day I had a traumatizing abortion he broke up with me because I was emotional and begging trying to change his mind and yeah that led him to anger and he broke up with me, then he reconsidered and got skeptical again straight after that and I stupidly begged and pushed him away.
After that I done no contact and day 18 he messaged me asking to talk then he phoned saying he misses me and still loves me, he doesnt want to het back together but rekindle things and see how he feels within a couple of months. I just feel I need to stop before I end up getting hurt again I really want to be back with him though every relationship deserves a second chance and usually the second time is alot stronger.
Hi, That sounds like such a tough situation, regardless of anything else going on he should have supported you so much more through that difficult time. No it wouldnt have been easy for him, but you needed support and he didnt provide. I had really cut back on contacting him, and then he began contacting me constantly! He has even admitted to checking my facebook and being paranoid about new friends that have popped up.
We speak every single day and video call, he says he only wants to be friends but then says he will be really hurt when I move on. I just dont know what to think, is there a chance we can get things back? Am I reading too much into everything?
Who knows. Hi there brad, My girlfriend just broke up with me about four days ago she said that she needed to focus on college. I did beg and plead for her to come back for at least the first day or two. I told her I regret what I did and she forgive me. She had to go so I called her back after.
Where I said to her about still being with me and focus on college she still denied. She then starting getting annoyed and when I asked do you still love me she responded by saying I still love you and care about you but I have to focus on college. She then changed her mind when I asked if she would come back to me.
As I said before she had said yes previously and this time she said no she dose not take ex,s back. I loved what you say in here. I just want to ask about my situation me and my ex bf broke up almost 5months ago right after we broke up he started dating and aready had a new gf after a month.
When he was breaking up with me he said his feelings was lost coz i was so needy of his time and his schedule was so tight those days so he said he fell out of love and had been thinking of ending us two weeks before. I was so devastated. So i again refused being friends but i tried to reach out to him couple of days after trying to be friendly but he never texts me first so i went NC AGAIN for two months until again i reached out to him asking how he is.
He responds still to my messages but never reaches out first and recently i saw his picture with his new gf he seemed happy. It hurts a lot.
Why is this happening? Does it mean he is serious with this new girl and she is not a rebound? Please give me some advice on what to do. I hope i can get him back. Should I just stay away or continue communicating to him as a friend to try to rekindle our relationship? Plz give me some light. I truly enjoy reading your blog! Thank you! I have beeb in a chaotic relationship for many years.
I have been loving a woman for many years. She keeps sending me mix signals. Recently I asked her where I stand for her and she responded that she only care for me and was quite annoyed that I confront her. We exchanged a few short texts for New Year and her birthday but nothing very warm. While I still would like to be friend with her, I decided to become distant with her.
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